All men can be fathers but not all are fathers.

Eph 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

All men can be fathers but not all are fathers. To be a father means much more than simply having a physical connection to your children. God has designed the marital home as the place to bring up children. And, fathers play an important role in bringing up children. God has entrusted fathers to be the spiritual leaders to their children. The role of fatherhood is not given to schools or church. Fathers, you are responsible for bringing OUT children into this world; you are now responsible for bringing him UP in the way of the Lord. Yet, some fathers brought up angry children. The scripture says: “fathers, provoke not your children to wrath” (Ephesians 6:4).

Children, like adults, may become angry, embittered and even discouraged depending on how they are treated. In some situations, this anger stems from the treatment they receive from their parents. How can you avoid provoking your child to anger? Well, there are more than a hundred ways to make a child (even an adult) angry. Today, I will mention just a few common sense ones which we all know but still commit.

1. Showing Favouritism. Isaac loved Esau but Rebekah loved Jacob created problems in the home (Genesis 25:28).

2. Overly Strict And Harsh In Punishments. The Bible is clear that children need correction (Proverbs 22:6). However, overly harsh and strict parents bring up rebellious and angry children.

3. Comparing Them With Other Children. A sloth doesn’t reprimand his son: “Why are you so slow? Why can’t you run like a cheetah?” You see, your children inherited your genes and there are limitations to what they can do that if anyone is to be blamed, it is you. Parents may mistakenly think that by evaluating the child against his or her siblings or other children, the misbehaving child will be encouraged to straighten up. However, this can actually cause lifelong feelings of inferiority in a child who is being negatively compared, and ultimately causes him or her to become frustrated and embittered.

4. Showing Disrespect To Your Child. Everyone wants respect, even children. There are many ways that parents can be disrespectful toward their child. Obviously, name-calling and using abusive words, such as calling a child “stupid,” is not respectful or helpful. Embarrassing them in public is another form of disrespect and not helpful to the child’s mental growth. Scripture encourages us to always edify when we speak: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).

5. Unrealistic Expectations. Unrealistic expectations can cause a child to become frustrated, particularly if he or she only feels loved if certain standards are met. Parents should encourage their children to do their best, but a child should never be punished or made to feel unloved because he or she is not strong enough, fast enough or smart enough.

6. Only Scold But Never Encourage. Everyone loves praises and recognition. Praise your children when they do well: “Respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed” (Romans 13:10, ESV).

7. Avoid A Double Standard. Your child may become confused and angry with you if you do the same things that you have corrected him or her for doing. Can you teach your child to be spiritual when you are not? Not to be angry when you always are? “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

8. Failing To Keep Your Promises. No one likes a liar. Parents, keep your promises. “Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil” (Matthew 5:37, ESV).

9. An Angry Father. Are you habitually angry? Do you scold everyone in the family when you are angry? You will get angry children too. “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26).

                                                   

10. Not Admitting You’re Wrong And Not Asking For Forgiveness. Adults need to say sorry and admit their mistakes. If you had been angry or unreasonable when you were punishing them earlier, say sorry and admit your mistake when you have cooled down (Matthew 5:23-26).

11. Not Listening To Your Child’s Opinion. The old school that, “I’m the father, you just listen and obey,” doesn’t work today. Listen to your child; that’s good communication. “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19).

I am not a perfect father. I made and still make those mistakes that I wrote about. Let us pray that we be good parents and bring up good and faithful children. Let us pray for wisdom in bringing up children.

Jimmy Lau

Psa 119:97  Oh how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day.