SERIES: “TAMING
THE TONGUE”
Lesson: “ Have You Heard The
Latest About…….?” (Part 1 of 2)
Texts: Proverbs 26:17-28, 25:20, 16:28
Aim: to
consider some specific principles of TACTFULNESS so we can better control our
tongue.
ICE-BREAKER QUESTION: What
is the last electronic appliance or communication device – television,
DVD player, video camera, I-Pod, digital camera, etc. – you have purchased? I’ll begin:
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Purchasing any electronic item today can be
confusing: What is the most difficult
part of that process for you? 2.
Where do you generally turn to obtain the information to help you decide what
to buy? 3. After you bring it home, THEN you have to
figure out how to operate your purchase!
Do you usually read the manual?
Why, or why not?
The
only thing more difficult than selecting the right electronic item or
communication device is always knowing the right thing to SAY! We have seen in our previous lessons that
taming the tongue is a difficult challenge.
However, we do have a “User’s Manual” that provides helpful, and
understandable, guidelines for our speech.
TURN to the book of Proverbs, Chapter 26.
READ
Verses 17–28 The ability to know what
to say, and perhaps more importantly, what not to say, is called
TACTFULNESS. Solomon reminds us that if
we want to allow God to “tame our tongue” then we must learn to know what is
appropriate or considerate when talking to others and put our self in the other
person’s shoes before we speak. Here’s
one way to understand the quality of TACTFULNESS: it is how we apply the “Golden Rule” to our
speech! Let’s review these guidelines.
RE-READ Verse 17 A dog’s ears are sensitive, and even a
gentle dog will bite if its ears are unexpectedly yanked, so we should “let
sleeping dogs lie” if we don’t want to unnecessarily run the risk of getting
hurt! Solomon’s first rule for
taming our tongue is to LEARN WHEN TO MIND OUR OWN BUSINESS. DISCUSSION
QUESTION: There are a surprising number
of warnings in the Bible against being a “busybody” or a “meddler.” What is YOUR definition of a meddling
“busybody”? And, how is a “busybody”
different from a concerned friend? Background
Note: For warnings against being a
“busybody,” READ 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12, 2 Thessalonians 3:11-12; 1 Timothy 5:13; cf. 1 Peter 4:15.
CASE STUDIES: Tactfulness requires expressing loving
concern at some times, and demonstrating prudent discretion at others. What would be the tactful way to act in each
of the following situations? How would
you respond, and what factors would guide your decision?
·
You think your sister-in-law’s hair would
look so much better if she would tell her hairdresser to stop putting
those blonde highlights in it.
·
Your neighbor’s teenage son has been driving
his new truck much too fast through the neighborhood.
·
You hear through the grapevine that your
secretary has separated from her husband. Not long afterwards, she starts
wearing a leather miniskirt to the office and seems to spend a lot of time
talking on the telephone in a low voice.
·
You are in a hunting club with Jeff and
Roy. Roy comes up to you one day in an
angry mood and tells you, “I bought a used four-wheeler from Jeff last week,
and after just three days the engine blew.
I’m convinced Jeff knew it was bad to begin with. No wonder he gave me such a good price! I think Jeff cheated me. What do you think?”
READ Verses 18-19 The second rule for taming our tongue
is BE CONSIDERATE OF THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS.
Solomon strongly emphasizes that this kind of
“joking” can be destructive. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Often tactless people use the phrase “I’m
only joking” as an excuse to say things that might be hurtful. What is an example of personal joking that
you think is inappropriate? When would
it be wrong to tease someone? 2. Why do you suppose some people like to
continually pick, poke, and tease others?
3. This type of “joking”
occurs often among family members. If
someone is “teasing” you in a way that is uncomfortable or unwelcome to you,
what might be an appropriate way to respond?
For an example of tactlessness,
TURN TO Chapter 25. READ Verse 20 DISCUSSION
QUESTION: A person who is tactful will
be considerate of the feelings of others, and especially when they are
discouraged. Suppose you had to tell someone
that their “joking” was not welcomed and you wanted them to stop teasing. How should you respond if they said, “I think
you’re being too sensitive: you shouldn’t feel that way”?
NOW TURN BACK to Chapter 26. READ Verses 20-22 Solomon’s third rule for taming our tongue is to NEVER, EVER REPEAT GOSSIP. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: 1. Since we cannot avoid talking about other people, perhaps we need to distinguish between what is “gossip” and what isn’t. What would you say are some differences between inappropriate GOSSIP and acceptable INFORMATION SHARING? 2. Solomon says one of the bad things about gossip is that it causes conflicts and keeps quarrels stirred up. What are some other problems caused by gossip?
Possible Answers: It is a highly inaccurate source of information, and consequently a prime source of SLANDER (See Leviticus 19:16); It is a mean-spirited activity, since gossips generally spread NEGATIVE information; It is a cowardly action, since gossips talk ABOUT a person, and rarely talk TO them; It creates an unhealthy “friendship,” because when two people gossip, they are attempting to build their relationship at the expense of a third person.
TURN TO Chapter 16. READ Verse 28 CASE
STUDY: Ethel was having lunch in the
company cafeteria with her friend Lucy
when they saw their supervisor Mr. Mooney walking by. Ethel leaned over the table and whispered to
Lucy, “Guess what Mr. Mooney’s sister-in-law told me at the grocery store
yesterday? She thinks Mr. Mooney has a
terminal disease, because he has been to the doctor several times lately and he
isn’t telling anybody about it.”
“Wow,” said Lucy, “do you think we’ll be getting a new boss? I wonder who it will be?” “I think they’ll
probably promote Mildred over in the
shipping department,” said Ethel, “because she’s awfully close to the
president, if you know what I mean. But
remember, Mr. Mooney’s sister-in-law told me not to repeat what she said, so
don’t tell anybody I told you.” Later
that afternoon Ethel was sitting at her desk when Mr. Mooney called. “What’s
this I hear about you telling everyone in your department that I am leaving the
company?” Mr. Mooney demanded. “I want
to see you in my office right away.”
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
1. What mistakes were made in this story? What are some of the ways you think the
people in this story handled this situation poorly? 2.
What would have been a more TACTFUL way to deal with this
situation? 3. What
relationships are going to be affected by this episode? In your opinion, who will be angry at whom,
and why? 4. Do you think Ethel has a right to be mad at
Lucy? Why, or why not?
SUMMARY STATEMENT: Tactfulness helps us tame our tongue because
it reminds us to think about how the other person might feel before we open our
mouth to speak!
NEXT WEEK
we will return to this passage and continue our conversation on God’s
guidelines for being tactful in our speech.
© Dan Williams
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