Grudges – Who’s Holding Who

    Have you ever “held a grudge” against someone? “Grudge” is defined as “a deep feeling of resentment or ill will.” Someone suggested Mark Twain might have been holding a grudge when he wrote about someone who had died – “I did not attend the funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.” A grudge is what Esau held against his twin brother Jacob after Jacob, at the urging of his mother Rachel, deceived his aged father Isaac and “stole” Esau’s blessing. Genesis 27:41 informs us that after that event, “Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing . . . and said in his heart, ‘The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then I will kill my brother Jacob.’” Thankfully, later, Esau and Jacob reconciled, but only after being estranged for two decades or more. In 2 Samuel chapter 13, King David’s son, Amnon, rapes his lovely half-sister Tamar

When Tamar’s full-blooded brother Absalom heard about the assault, he “hated Amnon because he had forced his sister Tamar.” Absalom silently nursed a grudge until, “after two full years,” he took revenge and killed Amnon (13:22ff). It is said that people do odd things to get even. Ain’t it so?  Some are like the Spanish patriot Narvaez. While on his death bed, a spiritual advisor asked him if he had forgiven all his enemies. Narvaez, astonished, said, “I have no enemies. I have shot them all.” Most of us haven’t shot anybody lately, and never will. But we may have people in our lives we struggle to forgive or even secretly (or not so secretly) “hold a grudge” against. Regarding grudges, a challenging thing to consider is this – are you really holding the grudge, or is it holding you?

    Jesus told a story in Matthew 18:23-35 about a servant who received forgiveness from his king for a massive debt that could never be repaid.

That same forgiven servant turned right around and refused to forgive a fellow servant of an infinitesimally smaller debt. In the story God is the king and we are the servants. Through His Son Jesus Christ our heavenly Father has provided, by His grace and at His own great expense, a way to forgive us of a mountain-sized debt of sin we could never repay (cf. Ephesians 2:1-10; Titus 3:5). In Jesus’ story the king deals brutally with the unforgiving servant for whom he had forgiven so much. He “delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all” he owed (18:34). Jesus bluntly states the sobering take home point in verse 35 – “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.” That’s the ultimate price if we don’t forgive – God won’t forgive us. But there are other costs along the way if we hold a grudge and refuse to forgive. Broken, un-reconciled relationships; unresolved conflict; pain that lives on and on in our hearts; unseen wounds that fester into anger, resentment, and bitterness. These things become spiritual toxins that build up in the arteries and veins of our spiritual hearts and souls and foul up our relationship with God and other people. We never really hold grudges but are held by them. Held prisoner by hurts suffered from the offending person. Stung by the same bee again and again as we return in our minds to wrongs done to us. To escape the hold of a grudge is simple but not easy. You have to let it go. Forgive the offender. Amazingly, when you do you discover you were not holding the grudge - it was holding you.

     “. . .  Forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you”  – Ephesians 4:32

by: Dan Gulley