Familiarity breeds contempt

Gen 31:2  And Jacob beheld the countenance of Laban, and, behold, it was not toward him as before.

When Laban first met Jacob, “he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and brought him to his house” (Gen 29:13). He warmly welcomed this nephew of his. He even gave his two daughters to be his wives. That was twenty-one years ago.

Well, we have this saying, familiarity breeds contempt. Is it because we don’t know much about each other that we love and is it because we know too much about each other that we fall out of love? Some couples are madly in love during courtship but they fall out after marriage. Over the course of time, our relationships with people can change. Jacob could tell from Laban’s countenance that there had been a change of attitude towards him.

Nothing in this world is permanent; not even friendship. But what causes relationship to turn sour?

1. COVETOUSNESS.
Laban’s sons were complaining that Jacob had taken away all the glory from their father (Gen 31:1). The word “glory” also means “wealth”.  Laban’s sons could see the herds of Jacob multiplying, and getting stronger, while their inheritance from their father was getting smaller and more feeble. They overlooked the fact that Laban wealth was non-existent when Jacob first arrived, and what Laban had, was God's blessing given through Jacob to Laban (Gen 31:8-9).

The men of the world stand in each other's way, and everyone seems to be taking away from the rest; this is called covetousness, or greediness. The result is discontent, envy, discord, strives, and broken relationships.  Laban was unjust and covetous, and he treated Jacob shamefully from the beginning. That’s what covetous does: it turns men ugly.

The way out is to learn to be contented. Contentment is happiness (1 Tim 6:6-8).

2. GOSSIPS
It was Lanan’s sons who initiated the hostility. They were the ones who were complaining: “Jacob has taken all that was our father's,” (Gen 31:1, ESV). The sons of Laban were showing greediness; they were worrying their inheritance would become Jacob’s. They accused Jacob of taking that which was their father’s. Laban was affected by this son’s evil report on Jacob and could sense the change in Laban’s attitude towards him.

We are often affected by what other people said. It is said that the tongue is a three inch flesh that can kill a six foot man. It is soft but deadly. James likened it as a fire and a deadly poison (Jas 3:6-8). Gossips destroy many good relationships.

Trust is the answer. A relationship that is based on trust will not be easily affected by gossips. Don’t believe everything you hear; don’t even believe everything you see.

Most importantly, trust God. Satan will try to do everything to shake our faith. He will say nasty things about God. We need to trust God and His words (Pro 3:5).

3. TAKING EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED
We take our loved ones for granted. The persons we hurt most are those who love us. We hurt our parents. We hurt our spouses. We say nasty things and are rude to them. We don’t do that to our bosses. Our bosses don’t love us; they only want our services. But our parents and spouses love us; yet we treat them rudely. We take them for granted.

We have forgotten that love is kind and is not selfish (1 Cor 13:4-5). Laban took Jacob for granted and had forgotten how he had served him. Laban’s sons took their brother-in-law for granted and treated him like a servant. Do you treat your mother like she is your servant? Do you get angry with her when your clothes are not ironed?

Love is patient and is kind and is not rude. Love is considerate towards the feelings and needs of others. Let s love like Jesus; a humble and serving love (Phil 2:5-11).

There are many other causes why relationships sour but I I will just leave you with the above three points. Have you fallen in…and then out of love? What were the reasons? A relationship that is built on a solid foundation of love will last. Learn to love everyday.

Jimmy Lau
Psa 119:97  Oh how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day.