Rival twins

Gen 36:7  For their riches were more than that they might dwell together; and the land wherein they were strangers could not bear them because of their cattle.

Wealth has a notorious reputation of separating relations. Lot and Abram parted ways because each had grown so rich in cattle that the land could not bear them such that they could not dwell together (Gen 13:6). Now, Esau and Jacob encountered the same problem. Each had grown so rich and they had to part ways. Esau took his family and possessions and went on to live in mount Seir (Gen 36:7).

The story of these rival twins reminds us of the importance of resolving conflicts in family relationships. Esau and Jacob were fraternal twins who competed for spiritual blessings, land, money, and family pre-eminence. Their story is one of intense feelings and bitter rivalry. Jacob was forced to leave home for twenty years. Thankfully, in the end, they have a joyous reunion.

But a cloth that has been torn and even though the tear has been stitched back is not the same. The same is with any relationship that has been torn and restored. Even when a conflict has been resolved and all is forgiven, the relationship can never be the same as before. Wounds heal; but scars remain. Pain is temporary but memories are permanent. Even after all is forgiven, the relationship is never the same again. The scars will remain. The pain may be gone with time, but the memory of the hurt cannot be forgotten.

We see a beautiful picture of reconciliation between Esau and Jacob in Genesis 33. But we do not see them coming together and stay together. And, the only time we see them coming together was to bury their father (Gen 35:29). WHY?

It is because the relationship can never be the same. A husband who had an affair and is forgiven by the wife; their relationship will not be the same as before when they first married. Two good friends who had an argument and misunderstanding and when they are finally reconciled will never be the same as before. A car that has been repaired is not the same.

Therefore, it behoves us to take care of our relationships. In order to maintain good relations with our friends and relatives, we have to take care of our words and actions. A careless word that has been uttered from the mouth cannot be taken back. Words are not like flying a kite which you can pull back the string. A word that is spoken remains in the air. You cannot tell someone who has been hurt by your words, “Please forget what I just said.” They can’t. You only can ask for forgiveness. Words once spoken can only beg for forgiveness; not forgotten.

We often hear someone says: “Forgive and forget.” If you forgive but do not forget, then, you have not forgiven. But, can anyone do that? Can you forget a hurt that was done to you and erase it instantly and completely from your mind that you cannot remember it?

In fact, it is a myth that when you forgive someone, you also have to forget what they’ve done. Only God can say, “For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more” (Jer 31:34). We don’t have the power to forget sin as God does.

Though Esau and Jacob were reconciled; they were not close. How could Esau forget the things Jacob had done to him? We see the same in king David and his son Absalom. Absalom killed his elder brother Amnon. Absalom fled from the palace. David missed his son Absalom. Through the help of his general Joab, David brought back his son from exile. But things were not as normal as before. David said to Joab concerning Absalom: “Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face” (1 Sam 14:24). The scar remains!

The church is God’s spiritual family. Like Esau and Jacob, we are all made differently. Our characters and opinions are different. We are bound to have conflicts. We have to manage our conflicts as Christians. We have to let in love, forbearance, and forgiveness: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you” (Eph 4:32).

Jimmy Lau
Psa 119:97  Oh how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day.