Why
did a dam burst? It started with a crack. The crack caused a leak. And slowly,
more cracks developed in the wall of the dam; and more water leaked out. The
cracks weakened the dam and the dam collapsed.
What
could have been done to prevent a total dam damage? They should have repaired
the crack when it first appeared.
Solomon
compares the beginning of strife to the first crack in the mound of such a
reservoir. At first a few drops ooze out, but after some time the whole mass of
waters pour itself out with fury and destroys everything in its path. Hence he
says: “leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”
The
work “meddle” means “break out.” Note how some version render this part of the
verse:
(LITV)
…therefore leave off fighting before it breaks out.
(ERV)
… Stop it before a big fight breaks out.
(ISV)
…. so drop the dispute before it escalates.
A
couple does not wake up one morning and decides to end their marriage. It
started with some cracks. And because the cracks aren’t repaired, the marriage
breaks down. The small rift which seemed insignificant at first, which could
have been easily resolved but did not, escalated into bigger issues which
cannot be appeased.
No one likes conflicts. But sometimes we do foolish things
that caused troubles. The only member in our body that often get us into
trouble and incite conflicts is the tongue. Many quarrels are the result of the
tongue. James say about the tongue: “But the tongue can no man tame; it is
an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (Jas 3:8).
We
say things which ought not to be said. But the words have gone out of our
mouths which cannot be retrieved. Solomon says that “the beginning of strife
is as when one letteth out water” (Pro 17:14a). When you spill a cup of
water; you can’t take it back. Words are the same: once they are spoken out of
our mouths, they are out forever. We cannot ask the people who are offended to
forget what we have said because grievous words are hard to forget.
Human
beings are such that we forget kind words but remember hurtful words for a very
long time. Hence, instead of telling them to forget what we have said, beg them
to forgive what we have said. It could perhaps end the conflicts. But sometimes
it is too late or the offending person does not accept the apology.
What
should you do when you see a conflict is about to arise? Solomon says: “therefore
leave off contention, before it be meddled with” (Pro 17:14b).
Strife
should be checked in its earliest stage. It is best to avoid the very beginning
of it. But it has already been started. It should be managed at the first
instant; make peace at the first sign when conflict is about to arise.
A
wise man avoids the painful consequences of an unnecessary conflict by humbly
backing down on the front end. The slight pain to his pride is nothing to him.
He will stop the strife before it escalates.
I
saw a beautiful poster and it has these words” “When you have done something
wrong, admit it and be sorry. No one in history has ever choked to death from
swallowing his pride.”
If
spouses would learn this rule, there would be no marital quarrels. If church
members learn this rule, divisions in the congregation would end. Peace could
reign when we could just swallow our pride and beg for forgiveness.
Abraham
graciously solved a property dispute with Lot by letting him choose first,
though he as the elder, the uncle, he could have chosen first (Gen 13:8-9). A
conflict had already started between their herdsmen. Abraham saw it and stopped
it before it escalated.
I
love Abraham's reasoning when he said: "For we are brethren"
(Gen 13:8). Abraham took the initiative here. He desired above all things that
there would be no strife among brethren, even if it meant taking the lesser
part. Paul taught the Corinthians to end their quarrels this very way – to
allow yourself to be defrauded (I Cor 6:7-8).
It
is about losing a battle but winning the war. Abraham did it. Christ did it. We
can do it.
Jimmy Lau
Psa
119:97 Oh how love I thy law! It is my meditation all the day.
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